Should I notify my future in-laws of my plans?
April 3rd, 2012, by Christine Beswick
If you are just starting the design your engagement ring process, you have a lot on your mind right now. Chances are, one of the things that is high on your mind, as is the case for many almost or newly engaged couples, is your family. Your family, her family, his family, let’s face it. Families play a big role in your wedding. This is a touchy subject for many, and there is no one size fits all answers as to when or if you should notify your future in-laws of your plans. Every family today is as unique as the couple that is about to get engaged. Every family is different. Should you or shouldn’t you? We’ll talk about that today and cover both sides of the fence on this one.
For starters, yes you should. But this is not a blanket one all answer either. You won’t truly understand how important this yes is until you and your future spouse have children and start thinking of THEIR wedding day. This thought process will begin the second your first child is born. So you need to think about this from their perspective. Your future in laws, and his or her future in laws, have been thinking about this very moment for a very long time. Decades. Longer than you’ve been thinking about it. So yes, you want to keep them in the loop, or you are going to be met with some very hurt feelings, maybe even some resentment.
But does that mean they need to know everything before she does? Or before he does? No. You are still a grownup couple with your own individual needs and wants. There is a way to include your family in the wedding, and still make it “my wedding” without feeling like they are taking over. When it comes to engagement, this is a private and intimate moment between the two of you. This is one area where I say, leave the engagement between the two of you until you start making wedding plans. Because, as a woman that has been there, I can tell you, the second you start telling mom, dad, and the cousins that there is a ring on someone’s finger, they start bugging you. When’s the date? Where are you having it? Here is my list of people I want to attend. That kind of thing.
If you don’t truly understand that yet, turn on any wedding based reality show and you will soon get the picture. One of the reasons that weddings are so stressful to the couple are that the family is overly involved. People’s feelings get hurt, and brides go bridezilla when they try to be all things to all people. In a wedding, feelings get hurt over the most RIDICULOUS things sometimes. An entire industry known as “Destination Weddings” has been built to avoid this. So, keep these things in mind when you are thinking of the moment in time where you include the in-laws on the most important day of your life. And watch those shows. Repeatedly. They will give you some good ideas on how to deal with that stress that WILL happen. One way to include them is to start something up like the Wedding Countdown for Facebook application. This keeps everybody in the loop at all times, and will help ensure that nobody important feels left out. Remember they’ve been waiting for this day too, and you can all have your cake and eat it too.